One Punch!

BONK!
Captain Marvel: I’ll say this for Batman. He’s efficient.
Blue Beetle: ‘One punch! ONE punch!’
Martian Manhunter: ‘Good afternoon, everyone. Hope we haven’t…is that GUY on the floor?’
Black Canary: ‘What happened to him? Is he DEAD? Hah. We couldn’t be that lucky.’
Blue Beetle: ‘He’s not dead, Canary. Just unconscious. Extremely unconscious.’
Black Canary: ‘But what happened?’
Blue Beetle: ‘Batman belted him.’
Black Canary: ‘Batman….belted….him?’
Batman: ‘I’m glad you’re here, Manhunter. Now we can get this meeting underway.’
Blue Beetle: ‘One punch!’
Martian Manhunter: ‘Sorry we’re late, Batman.’ *thinks* ‘Not as sorry as Black Canary is.’
Black Canary: ‘Batman BELTED him and I MISSED it? Oh God. I’m depressed.’

My Family and Other Animals – Gerald Durrell

‘Really, Mother, you are impossible!’ exclaimed Larry angrily. ‘I was looking forward to a nice quiet summer’s work, with just a few select friends, and now we’re going to be invaded by that evil old camel, smelling of mothballs and singing hymns in the lavatory.’
‘Really, dear, you do exaggerate. And I don’t know why you have to bring lavatories into it – I’ve never heard her sing hymns anywhere.’
‘She does nothing else but sing hymns … “Lead, Kindly Light”, while everyone queues on the landing.’
‘Well, anyway, we’ve got to think of a good excuse. I can’t write and tell her we don’t want her because she sings hymns.’
‘Why not?’
‘Don’t be unreasonable, dear; after all, she is a relation.’
‘What on earth’s that got to do with it? Why should we have to fawn all over the old hag because she’s a relation, when the really sensible thing to do would be to burn her at the stake.’
‘She’s not as bad as that,’ protested Mother halfheartedly.
‘My dear Mother, of all the foul relatives with which we are cluttered, she is definitely the worst. Why you keep in touch with her I cannot, for the life of me, imagine.’
‘Well, I’ve got to answer her letters, haven’t I?’
‘Why? Just write “Gone Away” across them and send them back.’
‘I couldn’t do that, dear; they’d recognize my handwriting,’ said Mother vaguely; ‘besides, I’ve opened this now.’
‘Can’t one of us write and say you’re ill?’ suggested Margo.
‘Yes, we’ll say the doctors have given up hope,’ said Leslie.
‘I’ll write the letter,’ said Larry with relish. I’ll get one of those lovely black-edged envelopes… that will add an air of verisimilitude to the whole thing.’
‘You’ll do nothing of the sort,’ said Mother firmly. ‘If you did that she’d come straight out to nurse me. You know what she is.’
‘Why keep in touch with them; that’s what I want to know,’ asked Larry despairingly. ‘What satisfaction does it give you? They’re all either fossilized or mental.’
‘Indeed, they’re not mental,’ said Mother indignantly.
‘Nonsense, Mother… . Look at Aunt Bertha, keeping flocks of imaginary cats … and there’s Great Uncle Patrick, who wanders about nude and tells complete strangers how he killed whales with a pen-knife …. they’re all bats.’
‘Well, they’re queer; but they’re all very old, and so they’re bound to be. But they’re not mental,’explained Mother; adding candidly, ‘Anyway, not enough to be put away.’

Umbrella by Rihanna: Urdu Translation

Lets Urdu Translate Shit

So, one or two years ago, before I had shifted to Islamabad, I was happily living in Kar-<3-achi.  So, my friends and I  are roaming around PNS Shifa, and suddenly someone starts Urdu translating things. It started with a few Star Plus dramas titles, moved on to movie titles and finally songs. And so, we came up with Chatri.

Chatri

Title: Chatri ft.Jahan-Z-eb
Arist: Rehana
Released: Somewhere around 2009.
Writers: Neha Syed, Rabia Kazmi, Aatiq Syed, Hamza Khan, Maria S Kazmi & Aadil Khan.

Read the lyrics, after the click! 😀

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6 Pakistani Lies I was told as a kid. (via When I'm pissed I like to take it out on the internet.)

True and hilarious. 😀

6 Pakistani Lies I was told as a kid. Growing up your parents, your family and your relatives tell you things that keep you up and confident, that keep making you work harder in life and they make you realize we live in a beautiful happy world where the only way is up and the road to eternal happiness isn't that far way and then you grow old and realize that most of what they told you was pretty much bullshit and the world they were portraying is actually really really different from … Read More

via When I'm pissed I like to take it out on the internet.

Misery

I Needed A New Toothbrush

So, yesterday, I went with my father to F-10 Markaz, you know, the Mr.Rice waali jaga. And I bought some popcorn, a toothbrush and a few packets of Lays from the grocery store next to Mistah Rice. So, Father-Man, he tells me to go sit in the car. And he goes into the shop next to the shop next to Miztah Rice.

Just A Packet of Lays

And I go to said car, but how am I supposed to get inside if I don’t have the keys? So, I decide to just, you know, lean against the car, and listen to Mr.Saxobeat by Alexandra Stan (AWESOME  track, I ❤ it.).  But this little beggar girl, barely ten years old, comes up to me and asks me for money. I told her I didn’t have a penny on me. So, she asks me for food. I look at the thaila of Lays in my hand, and I hand her one of them. She thanks me, rips the packaging off and starts eating the chips.

Kind of looked like her.

Read on ahead!

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Fidelity

Day One; 31st July, Sunday, 2011.

Somewherearound 2:45 p.m, my sister, Rabia, looks up from her laptop to where Awais and I are sitting and says ‘I got into Pottermore!’ I yell unintelligibly and rush off to my computer in my room.
The Question: “How many owls are on the Eeylop’s Owl Emporium sign? Multiply by 49”. This clue was released at 1 p.m in Pakistan.

Day One; Question.

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Top Ten Words/Phrases that Piss Me Off

Now, not-so-recently,  I realized that there were a lot of phrases/words that pissed me off. These words/phrases are just plain over used in people’s and (sometimes) my vocabulary.

Here We Go:

  • God never gives us more than we can bear

I hate it when people do that! This usually happens when I’m in the middle of a rant of how much is piled upon me, and I just cannot cope and someone says this. Well, bully for you! How about you stop psycho-analyzing God for a bit?

  • Chillax!

This is another jewel of human brain evolution. Also accompanied with the word “Like” in the start sometimes, it is a sure fire way to make me want to slap you.

My usual reaction.

Read on ahead for the rest!

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